And though I am mature enough to appreciate the ponies themselves, I would like to have a go at ranting about every single flaw I see in the Brony community, beginning with the infamous Cupcakes fanfiction.
CUPCAKES
For starters, we have the notorious Cupcakes, in which Pinkie Pie invites Rainbow Dash over to her house to eat a cupcake, wake up in a dark room, and be dismembered via several mechanical and non-mechanical blades.
The first flaw I would like to complain about in this story is the grammar, oh how I take advantage of my grammar Nazi heritage. I'm sorry, but I just can't take a horror story seriously if the grammar isn't pristine, otherwise, I end up laughing, as it ends up looking like it was written by a fourth grader; in example, redundancy: "On the cart was a tray containing various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp." I've also seen a few fragmented sentences and missing "the"s, but I could talk forever about the grammar.
The second flaw in this story is that, with its own logic, nopony realizes that they're eating organs that once belonged to other, posthumous equines; the story implies that Pinkie Pie covers this up through some unseen method, but I think that her "method" is that everyone but her is an idiot (again, Cupcakes logic).
I wouldn't exactly call this a flaw, but the whole story sort of reminds me of a voraphilia-themed microphilia story, which I actually read frequently before becoming a Brony (I was a very sick little boy before getting into Bronism). Someone (usually female) is knocked unconscious by some form of food or gift given in a seemingly friendly gesture by someone else (half the time female), they wake up to find that they have been altered or tied down in some way, and they are bloodily torn apart and eventually eaten. It's probably why I'm so unaffected by the story in the first place, but I'm just letting you know that It's been done. Not to mention that Pinkie Pie mentions "playing with" her victims like toys, which is done pretty much literally in microphilia-based stories involving unconsciousness.
Off that subject, a final flaw I would like to mention is how it lacks an official sequel, Pinkie Pie is constantly referring to ponies' "numbers" and that she had to do what she was doing. This, for me, is food for thought for some kind of greater being commanding Pinkie Pie's mind under the threat of torture or perhaps death, and sounds like the start of an epic fantasy/horror series. Of course, we also have the idea that it's a simple little voice in the maniacal sector of Pinkie's brain screaming at her to dismember and cannibalize the ponies of Equestria.
Not to mention the fact that if you fast forward a few thousand years, a "cupcake" can be called "Soylent Green", now, onward to fandom-based character representations.
CHARACTERS
Several characters in the Friendship is Magic series have been relabeled in ways that are not suitable for a children's show, some may say "but hey, isn't this the internet we're talking about?" I would like to state that this is the internet, but the internet representations are "jump-to-conclusions" type of biographies that don't look too far into the background or connect two and two.
Rainbow Dash is bisexual
I don't see how this one makes sense, other than the fact that the character is tomboyish, and I can't get my point across very well without using an example, SO LET'S USE A F---ING EXAMPLE!
Example- Gaz from Invader ZIM
In Invader ZIM, the antagonist's (Dib's) little sister, known as Gaz, is a quiet, rage-filled little girl who spends most of her time playing video games and eating pizza. One might call her tomboyish because of the fact that her hair is in the shape of a sharp-toothed mouth, possibly inspired by some form of monster, but I'd say it's mostly the former. Anyhow, the Invader ZIM fandom never "shipped" Gaz with Tak or Zita, at least, not in any way that I've heard of. It is possible that this is because of the fact that pretty much all of the main characters are male, with several female minor characters and only one "major-minor" character, the aforementioned Tak. If there was any non-canon same-sex shipping in the Invader Zim fandom, a good-sized portion of the fandom would wave the troubled little fans away, causing these little fans to accusingly point and squeal "HOMOPHOBES!" at the fandom, which would once more wave them away, and that would be that.
On the other hand, the Brony community is pretty much all for the whole "Homo-Rainbow-Dash" concept, simply because of ridiculously updated notions on the internet that "If it acts like something of a gender it isn't, it's gay, PORN FOR EVERYONE!" now I don't want anyone going Rule 34 on my ass just because I mentioned pornography, you can go clop to your little slash art while the adults talk. This also upsets me because we're turning into hypocrites, three years ago, before the Brony community got started up, we usually went against this sort of thing with a mighty rage and a lot of weaponized stop signs, batting away the slash writers/artists with said stop signs and shoop-da-whoop-ing the shit out of them. One may say that I'm taking this notion far too seriously and I should shut up about it, and maybe they're right, but I reply to all of them with this,
SERIOUS BUSINESS
Now, that right above me is a wall of text, and we still have so much left to cover, now, onward to Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie is a deranged serial killer
Wow,
I must say, wow. Where do you get that kind of idea? If someone talks
like a chipmunk and goes all over the place, I don't think they're going
to go for my neck, I think that they've had a little over twelve cups
of coffee. She's not a maniac, she's just a caffeine (or perhaps sugar)
junkie. I'd throw up another example, but that would just turn this into
another unbreakable text barrier. Onward.
Derpy likes muffins
If
you listen closely during Applebuck Season, she says "muffin", it's
just there to fill talking space, it doesn't really say anything about
her. I mean, I say "cheese" all the time, that doesn't mean I obsessively consume cheese, it's just there to fill speaking gaps.
Vinyl is into dubstep
This
one is probably one that I'll be bludgeoned to death for, but I
disagree, as I find it inaccurate, I always thought that the idea was
that in the series, she was bobbing her head to fairly soft music, and
she never had any lines in the first place, so I honestly assumed that
another defining characteristic was that she was a mute DJ.
These
four are the only ones I know of, and I will add more as soon as I find
another inaccuracy in the fanbase's character ideas.
TEAM FORTRESS 2
I would like to say in advance that these two have absolutely
nothing in common other than the fact that the sniper says "ponies"
after getting a revenge kill and the engineer says "pony up, boys" at
some point when he's prepared to battle the next wave in the recent Mann
vs. Machine game mode.
I
thought that the whole reason why Team Fortress 2 and My Little Pony
clashed together was because Team Fortress 2 became free to play right
around the time the Brony community became well-known (June, 2011), so,
this gore-filled first person shooter and this cute television show
about minuscule anthropomorphic equines were mixed together to create
the character representations for Pony Fortress 2.
In this representation, I can only agree with 3.5 character crossovers
out of nine. In the usual representation, Rarity is the spy, Twilight
Sparkle is the sniper, Fluttershy is the medic, Applejack is the
engineer, Pinkie Pie is either the pyro or the heavy, and in the case
that she is the pyro, Big Macintosh is the heavy, Zecora is the demoman,
either Spike or Derpy is the soldier (which I actually found cute), and
Rainbow Dash is the scout.
Now here's my
representation, obviously some changeling character would be the spy,
Applejack would be the sniper, Big Macintosh would be the engineer,
Pinkie Pie would be the heavy, Spike would be the pyro, and Twilight
Sparkle would be the soldier.
I agree that Rainbow Dash could be the scout because they're both
rather cocky characters, not to mention fast, I agree that Zecora could
be the demoman not because of her ethnicity, but because in "Meet
the Demoman", the demoman explains how he has to basically remake his
bombs every time he fires them, and I honestly think Zecora would know
how to concoct an explosive device with her knowledge of potions and
such, I agree that Fluttershy could be the medic because they're both
generally helpful characters, one because it comes naturally to her, and
the other because he's sort of forced to, considering he doesn't have
any real weapons to kick ass with as well as the other eight classes.
My explanation of how my aforementioned crossovers would work is
this, Queen Chrysalis would be the spy because the season 2 finale
claims she's pretty fucking good at it, Applejack would be the sniper
because I can imagine a scenario in which she uses a rifle, and the fact
that she's just as badass. Big Macintosh would be the engineer because
he is a sort of repair guy in the My Little Pony series. I think Pinkie
Pie would be the heavy because they both possess large projectile
weapons and are both generally food obsessed (sandvich, cupcakes, same
amount of syllables, same sort of ingredients, same song). Spike would
be the pyro because he's a dragon, nothing much to say there unless you
didn't have a childhood in which you read storybooks. Twilight Sparkle
would be the soldier because they both have a high-level loyalty
complex, the soldier for 'Merica, and Twilight Sparkle for 'Lestia.
THE WAIT FOR SEASON 3
Shut up about it, okay? You can wait a few more days to see your
beloved ponies, I still have a few more years before I can see another
headcrab, so please, just be patient, you have not been waiting
five years like a veteran VALVe fan would, you've been waiting for only
one year at most, and therefore, I beg you to wait, I'm excited
for the next season, too, but that doesn't give me the right to get
upset at the show's producers, who are already on a deadline as it is,
thank you, and have a nice day.
